


Never Had You So How Did I Lose You?

by darkprincecharming



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Angst, M/M, SO MUCH SADNESS, a sad broken man, big boss is an asshole, kaz also refers to dave as a kid because he's so much younger than him not because he's underage, kaz just wants someone to love him, mentions of past love, old man kaz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-07
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2020-01-06 09:44:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18385916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkprincecharming/pseuds/darkprincecharming
Summary: “You must be… Dave, right?” The blonde said, forcing himself to study every inch of his face.“Yes sir. And you’re Master Miller.” He said with a straight face.





	Never Had You So How Did I Lose You?

Despite knowing about the process of cloning for going on three decades, the former soldier known now as McDonnell suppressed a gasp. The kid in front of him was the spitting image of Big Boss, down to even his haircut. He had to do a double take, almost comically turning his head around to face the young man. The look on the other’s face seemed innocent, somehow. Not unlike Boss who would eye him with that condescending look anytime Miller even so much as breathed near him. 

“You must be… Dave, right?” The blonde said, forcing himself to study every inch of his face. Yes, the same nose, even. The same beard growth, just about. Cloning technology was amazing, to say the least. The boy perked up at the use of his actual name instead of the code name they had told him he was to now go by. 

“Yes sir. And you’re Master Miller.” He said with a straight face. Funny how this kid seemed twice as mature as he was at his age. Being raised as a weapon of war does that to you, he supposed, arms crossed in front of him. How polite this kid was scared Miller. He expected an outburst at any second, a scolding from this miniature version of Big Boss. But that never came. 

“You ready to learn why they called me ‘Hellmaster’, kid?” He replied casually, inspecting his nails as he did so. The man in front of him looked confused as Miller quirked an eyebrow. 

“They didn’t tell you that was my nickname. Tch, they don’t tell you soldiers much now, do they?” He slowly shook his head and the Hellmaster smiled slightly. He wished that he would speak more, wanting to hear that voice that sounded so much like Boss’s but yet different at the same time. 

“Well, I guess you’ll just have to learn why they call me that.” He said slyly, hazarding a smirk in the boy’s direction.

“I guess I will, sir.” Dave responded, Miller already thrilled with his presence. He would be a good last protege, that’s for damn sure. 

———————————--------------------------------------------------

It had been going on two weeks since they had sent his last student up to Alaska to train with him. Two weeks, and the thoughts of Boss creeped up into his memory. When was the last time they talked, even? After they had ended Cipher once and for all, perhaps? Maybe a bit after, Miller didn’t remember. All he knew was that Boss was dead now and the remaining remnants were in this soldier, this copy of the man he had followed blindly. He checked his watch, seeing the glare of 5:00 am digitally spelled out onto the face of it. Time to wake him up, he supposed. He walked silently to his room, the clicking of his heels unceremoniously filling the silent house with noise. 

He stopped in the doorway of the guest bedroom, breath hitching as he saw him sleeping there. Peacefully. A foreign memory was ripped from faraway in the elder man’s mind. Boss, laying in bed beside him, same expression plastered onto his face. He had been constantly fighting, back then. And the only time McDonnell ever saw him so peaceful was when he was asleep in his arms. Miller longed to crawl into bed beside him, melting into him as their bodies intertwined. But it wasn’t his Boss. No, he was a clone and not his. Not ever implying that Boss was his. Boss was his own man and belonged to no one, he had said, while bedding everyone he could in Mother Base. The grizzled man shook his head and reached over to turn on the lights. Dave bolted up in bed like lightning. The man formerly known as Kaz smiled to himself.

“It’s 5 a.m., soldier. Time to get up.”

————————————---------------------------------

The weeks bled into months as the two sat in the dining room, the silence between the two of them amicable. The stove was on, a low crackling sound coming from the old appliance as the Hellmaster cooked the eggs in the near silence. Kazuhira picked up the pan from the stove carefully, shoveling out a heaping helping of the meal onto his protege’s plate. Dave picked up his fork and began eating, McDonnell sitting across the table from him and watching him intently.

“Miller, these eggs suck.” Dave said, brightening the Master’s normally grim mood. He flashed him a smile and his eyes gleamed from behind his tinted sunglasses. 

“Well next time, you can fix them.” He replied, shoveling a forkful into his mouth. Dave grimaced and that elicited a chuckle from the man’s mouth. When had he even laughed last? This kid was a godsend, he was sure of it. He finished before the other and started collecting the dishes, certain he was to do them today. The kid was probably tired enough from all the exercises he had forced him to do that day and he didn’t want to push him, the guilt of watching him struggle these past few weeks debilitatingly heavy on his shoulders. The sudden presence of someone behind him startled him, turning around. Dave was standing there, obedient as always. 

“Let me do them tonight Master. You need to rest.” The older of the two raised an eyebrow, eyeing the ‘son’ of Big Boss. Those blue eyes piercingly clear and pure, burning a hole into Miller’s soul. 

“I should be saying that to you!” He replied, feeling the weight of his mental exhaustion pushing down on him. He admitted, he was pretty tired. He dismissed himself quietly, walking towards the end of the hallway where his room was. When he got into his bedroom, he popped off his artificial leg, feeling the limb there even after all these years of lacking it. His arm came next, a simple procedure that had become like second nature to him. He slipped under his blankets and pulled off his aviators, realizing how naked he felt without them. He reached over to pull the cord of the lamp but he couldn’t do so. A figure was in his doorway and his heart seemed to stop in his chest. 

“D-Dave?” He called out, forcing the man to come forward from the shadows. Had he really taken that long to remove his artificial limbs or did Dave just work fast? He didn’t know and didn’t prefer to know.

“Jesus kid, you scared me.” He forced out a laugh, realizing now, unconsciously, that he had been watching him undress, watching him take off his limbs like a second skin. He looked away from the kid, from the door. If he had looked any longer he would’ve sworn this past 30 years was a bad nightmare and Boss was coming home from a mission. But no, that was his clone. No, he did not belong to him. And no, he wasn’t on the verge of tears. He heard his gentle footsteps rap up to the edge of the bed and he felt the bed beside him go down as he sat on it. He swore his blood ran twice as hot, his heart working overtime to pump it through frozen veins. 

“Why were you trying to hide this from me?” Dave said softly. Kaz faced him. The innocent look in his eye, that wasn’t Boss. That was never… 

“I-I was… ashamed. I’m ashamed to admit anything that could possibly make me seem weaker.” He admitted. Dave scooted closer and he swore he was in heaven. Outer heaven, maybe. Or maybe he was all confused and this was hell. 

“I don’t think you should be ashamed. I think you should wear them with pride. You are a hero, after all.” The tears sprang to his eyes, this sweet, sweet kid too much for him to handle. 

“Boss…?” He whispered, reaching out a hand to cup his cheek. He pulled it away just as quickly, coming to his senses. Boss had never been that nice to him. No, never. Not even when they were friends, especially not when they were lovers.

“Dave… I’m sorry. It’s just, you remind me of someone I knew, a long time ago.” The hand cupping his own face was soft, warm. Comforting. He hadn’t felt like this in so long. The younger of the two maneuvered himself astride him, Miller blushing at the contact. Dave crushed his lips against Miller’s, much like Boss had. God, he missed him. He allowed this boy to kiss him, to take control of him. He wanted to feel alive again. He wanted to feel wanted again. 

“Dave…” McDonnell moaned softly against the younger’s lips. The intense look the kid shot him reminded him too too much of Boss, but that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. No, not at all. The kid was better than Big Boss could ever hope to be and he wasn’t ashamed to admit that to himself.

“Master…” Dave half moaned, half whispered back. The low tone of his voice sent a shiver up the man’s spine and he quickly allowed him to kiss him again. A hand was sliding, sliding, sliding, up his shirt and he melted into the man’s soft touches and caresses. He wanted to feel good. He wanted to be good, for himself. And especially for Dave. Heh, if only the old man could see him now. He’d probably kill him, he mused as skilled hands fumbled with his belt. 

“Dave… Dave, please.” He pleaded, begging to be touched by the clone of the man he loved. And he was, Dave’s nimble fingers making their way into his briefs, quickly making a mess out of the older man under him. How long had it been, exactly? Since he had felt this good? It had been a damn long time, he knew that. Dave was extremely skillful, his wrist twisting slightly and thumb sliding over his slit. He swore he was about near heaven, or maybe he was mistaken again and he was closer to hell. The pressure building in his lower stomach pooled, ensuring that his release would soon come and it did. He came with a cry of his disciples name on his lips and Dave pulled away, a smirk on his lips. 

“Just wanted to make you feel good, Master. You deserve it.” The orgasm still racked through his body and Miller had a hard time concentrating on his words. The praise he had never heard come from his lover’s mouth came easily from the kid’s. 

“Goodnight, Master.” He whispered before leaving as swiftly and as silently as he came. McDonnell had little time to reflect as he was drifting off, but he heard the Boss’s words in his head, a mess of broken promises he had slung together to assure the even more broken man he would fight for what was right.

“Kazuhira, we’re going to bring peace to this world. That is the promise I’m making to you, as a friend. And as a lover.” And he broke down, tears escaping his eyes for the first time in years. He may have ended up hating the man with all his being, but the love for him still remained, kicking and screaming. Begging to be declared but with no one to declare it to. Except his clone, which was far from the actual man he had been in love with. But better all the same. He slipped off to sleep with one word on his lips: love. And he never was the same again.


End file.
